A beaten playlist
by Alfwyn
Summary: Kyoko got a new LoveMe job, write songs. Ren is also inspired. Meaning this is a story inspired by many songs of different artists and genres. The story itself is about Kyoko learning to accept others, especially Ren
1. Chapter 1

**AN: So originally this story was called Singing, Skipping, Loving but due to some copyright issues I took it down. This is my attempt to re-write it.**

* * *

I look at his car, ever since my new LoveMe! assignment random things catch my attention. The president wants me to sing, or at least write some songs. Ever since he came to the Tragic Marker set he has been telling me it is no good to keep everything inside. He knows I won't confess. So now I have to sing, write. But about what? Those random things that come into my mind? Well, since it's a LoveMe! assignment it is probably either random stuff _I_ come up with or love.

Despite the intensifying relationship between Setsu and Cain we are not awkward, as long as neither of us slips into a Heel, everything is okay, besides Yashiro-san is in the passenger seat. So on the way to Yashiro-san's apartment light chitchat fills the car.

 _I don't think that passenger seat has ever looked this good to me,_

What was that? That line does sound nice, maybe this is what the president meant? Oh, we stopped.

"Good night Yashiro-san," Tsuruga-san now turns to me, asking to which shop we should go for the ingredients. I answer automatically the one near his apartment, my thoughts are already far from dinner. The lights of the city are beautifully reflected in his eyes, which seem almost tender, and sad at the moment.

 _I count the colors in his eyes_ , yeah that'd be a nice follow-up.

But those eyes remind me of how he looked when he talked to Bo, when the chicken congratulated him with Katsuki. It made sense back then, he was thinking about the girl he loves, but the why would he look at me like that? But back then he also swore never to fall in love, never to be happy 'here', whatever he might have meant by that.

 _He tells a joke_ but I did not catch it, _I fake a smile_. As I was lost in thought I have no way to reply to him, so I just ask if I can put some music on. That should break the silence and hopefully it will stop my brain from putting random lines in my head every time I look at him. As he gives me the okay, I flip through the radio channels until I find a song, I know he likes.

He himself would insist he barely listens to music and has no favorites. But Cain-nii-san unconsciously bobs his head to some songs in the shops. And Ren smiles when some songs play on his car-radio.

Wait!? Does this mean I know more about him than he does? No that's just too weird a thought, when he says he doesn't like anything in particular it is probably part of him being a gentleman. Thinking about him my 'angels' come flying with more information, his favorite color, his birthday. How he calls Setsu his beautiful sister. However, just to spite my angels, my demons point out that besides mundane things and his measurements, I know little of his family, dreams or friends.

On the topic of those measurements … I wonder, Tsuruga-san is tall, probably as tall as Kuu-otou-san. The shape of their eyes are the same, as is their jaw-line. A melody starts to form in my head, along with the lines. Tsuruga-san must have noticed me staring, he turns to me, and I cannot help but wonder what he'd look like with blonde hair, like Kuu-otou-san said Kuon has.

Tsuruga-san noticed my staring.

"Is there something on my face Mogami-san?" he asks, the look in his eyes is surprisingly similar to the looks he shot Mizuki during the Katsuki practice. No! It can't be! I'm just imagining things, I wish to be true.

"It's nothing Tsuruga-senpai. I was just wondering whether you'd prefer dark miso soup over clear soup."

"I'm fine with whatever you make me." He said with a wink.

No, it couldn't have been a wink! It had to be my imagination making the look in his eyes seem so endearing.

As I focus on the grocery shopping no random lines pop into my head, luckily.

When I start the routine of cooking soup and making stir fry vegetables my thoughts wander off once again. The last time we played the Heel siblings had been intense, Setsu has become much stronger, and way more demanding. I had arrived at the hotel a little after Tsuruga-san, who had seemed asleep. Without even asking me, Setsu had crawled into his bed! What's more Cain had not been asleep, but once he had his dear sister in his arms he wouldn't let go!

Thinking back I'm sure I'm still blushing when Tsuruga-san enters the kitchen. As he looks around the room his eyes merely glance at my face, not noticing the blush, which I felt intensify when he came in sight.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" He asks, always the perfect gentleman, but I know how his cooking is.

"No, thanks Tsuruga-san, but I have every thing under control."

"Ok, you know, you really look like a chef, the way you shop so fast." I know I cannot tell him about my youth in the Ryokan. He always gets so angry the moment I mention Sho's name. Like with the prisoner PV, he seemed to see everything black-and-white.

"I've helped out at the Darumaya quite a lot, so please relax, I've got it covered." It is no lie after all.

I see a flicker of some emotion cross his face, but he covers it quickly with a bright smile.

"Ok, please tell me if I can be of any assistance."

* * *

He never seems to show his 'real' emotions. He often wears that fake smile, he never lets anybody see him looks sad, or cry.  
Well except for Bo that is. But Bo is anonymous, faceless and above all a chicken. But then again, I never let anybody see me wishing he was mine. Only Setsu can lay that claim, only for a little time, in an act. Wait! Wouldn't that be the same as having a crush on him? I am not crushing on Tsuruga-san! I merely want to get to know my senpai better, to learn. My few angels are desperatly fighting my demons who are tearing up the word L,O,V,E. The demons are winning though. They are impersonating Ren, screeming: 'Mogami-san you are merely my kouhai. Besides you know nothing about me!' My angels don't agree with the masses, as they counter: 'He lets dai-Kyoko cook for him, he helps her always, besides we know about him. He is a great actor, a handsome man, loving brother, he is respectable. He puts work above his own hunger and sleep, he likes English songs! _His favorite color is green, he loves to argue_. So we do know about him!'

'Yeah, and he likes honesty, but what would dai-Kyoko do when someone asks if she loves him?'

I was shocked, it seemed that my small demons know me better than I know myself.

As Tsuruga-san reaches the door frame, he lingers as if he just remembered something. He turns seemingly to say something, then unaware I noticed him halt he shakes his head and contiues out of the room. I cannot help but admire the way he walks, and stands. He has such grace, I could never compare. I wish I could tell him, how I seem so to feel so much, so much MORE around him. No matter which character he is portraying, or even when he is just being himself.

* * *

 **She is too cute, constantly humming that catchy tune. She is so familiar with my kitchen, she uses it more than I do. Good thing I moved nearly everything down so she can easily reach everything. She just barely reaches my chest, but everything about her is so beautiful… her humming, her dreams, her fantasy.**

 **And now her humming and singing, though I admit I like it when she is in such a good mood AND cooking for me. Oh, she stopped humming, is there something wrong.** **We could go check on her, embrace her small form, snatch bits of the food she is preparing according to your tastes.** **No! She'd freak out, run away. I know another solution.**

 **I walk to my bedroom, away from her temptation.**

 **Now where did I put it, that old thing the president gave me so long ago…**

 **I search my wardrobe, and other storage place, until I find the old guitar. It used to be part of the President's hippie costume but when he tried to play it, it did not sound like he thought it would, so he gave it to me, to learn Japanese songs. I nearly forgot about it, until she started humming in my car. It is a really nice melody, but I don't recognize it.** **Boss mentioned something about a new idol he discovered, he seemed to be winking a lot when he dropped hints about her.** **Yeah, knowing him he made it a LoveMe assignment.**

 **Sighing I pull out the guitar, and tune it. She had been looking so intensely at me, like she was trying to figure me out. Did she notice something? If she does I hope she won't keep silent like she did when she starred in HIS PV. Or when she was stalked. But then again her real reason for acting in his PV, and her reasons for acting, they turned so pure.**

 _ **You asked me where to begin**_

 **She sought my help to act, in order to change yourself. But I wouldn't know, as I am still trying to find myself too. I am too lost in my sins to give her any advice.**

 **The guitar slowly wakes up in my hands. As the melody slowly takes over my mind, I think back at one of the last times the Heel siblings met. They had talked about 'their past'. Setsu had started to asked her brother when he fell, but before she could clarify whether she meant falling in love or sin, she was interrupted by the wannabe hamster/actress. But whatever she meant, I wouldn't be able tell her where. Here, America, Kyoto? 'I' wouldn't know. But if my spirit were to be lost, I wonder if I'll be able to find what is near. Like the blue bird, which is said to be closer than one thinks. SHE has proven that to me, maybe she'd be able to find me when I'm lost again? She wouldn't question, for I am not alone.** **You sure aren't bro.** **Pf, somehow, I will find my way home. HOME would be where she is, or else where she used to be, our clearing.**

 **Home would mean eyes like the sun, which rises here, in the east, in the 'land of the rising sun', with its rising actress blessed with eyes like the sun. So shall my heart be at peace? 'Here'?**

 **If she'll ask me again when, I'd say it started at the end.** **You plan to propose at the clearing?** **The sarcasm of my inner voice cannot be misinterpreted, still I think it might actually come to that.** **You know, your will to be free is matched with love, right?** **Yeah, save your speech, it is matched because 'we' ran away from the love overload.**

 **But talk will alter my prayer, once I prayed to be recognized for my own talents, now partly because of the Lovemon, my prayer is for her to recognize me, for me.** **Poet, you should write that down.** **Still, whenever I think about what I want I end up thinking about a princess in a secret garden. The elven princess who has been blinded by a curse. The princess who sadly doesn't realize that her friend is close by her side. Her friend whom she thinks speaks in an ancient tongue. Oh, how she translated my slight American accent to a fairy accent, everything I did or say, she effortlessly translated to fit her own story. Though she never twisted my words, she merely took my metaphors seriously. As I tried to 'fly' she saw remainders of my wings. And how honestly she wished for me to be able to truly fly. That seasons wish came true, I assured her. But still she does not realize every one of my personal seasons began with her, she's always on my mind.**

 **She sees only one world, one in which we all melt into one, one string of fate. Am I still lost in my sin? As she holds my, her brother's, hand, it seems like we're getting somewhere. And if my spirit is strong, I might just talk to her, tell her everything.**

* * *

"Tsuruga-san?" Oh, he isn't in the living room anymore, maybe he is taking a nap? I shouldn't wake him, but the food is nearly finished.

" ~ so lost in my sin," before I can knock on his door I hear his solemn voice and slow guitar music, perfectly keeping up with his voice. He sounds so lonely, it is not in my place to intrude in such a private moment. I'll call him once the food is ready to be served. As I walk back to the kitchen, my mind starts to drift once again. _He'd never tell you, but he can play guitar,_ apparently. There is so much he can do. I think he can see through anything, anything but my heart. I am guarding that place of misfortune, with half my grudges! But still I think their vigilance is slipping, as Setsu I start when I wake up and see his face. And Setsu will always think about how beautiful he is. Yes, I probably know pretty much everything there is to know about him but if someone were to ask me if I love him … "I'd lie."

"What would you lie about, Mogami-san?"

* * *

 **So, how did you like it? In the next chapter I'll post which songs I used, until then feel free to guess. Oh, and I am not sure when I'll update next. I write when I have time and inspiration, so it might take awhile, sorry! Please be patient with me!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Hey, sorry it took me this long to update. Life and studies have kept me busy, and I changed the songs in the middle of writing. Anyway the songs I used in Chapter 1 were 'I'd Lie' by Taylor Swift and 'I'll Find My Way Home' by Vangelis.

I take this opportunity to thank my beta, for making sure this flows.

* * *

"What would you lie about Mogami-san?"

Oh no! He heard me! I cannot let him know my feelings, he'll be disgusted.  
"Ehm, I was just thinking … if someone were to ask me why I joined the show business, I'd lie."

He just stares at my obviously noticing the lie I just uttered. Like always he seems to know what I am thinking or feeling. How can he see into my eyes? Are they like open doors? Is he be able to trace everything he sees to my core, my conciousness? Surely not? Or he wouldn't have asked me that question. I am startled out of my musings by his reply.

"You should be as honest as you can with the media, if they find out you lied about something they'll dig up all bad things they can find. If that is not bad enough they'll lie themselves, and those lies are certain to hurt. However if you tell a half truth, and bury the other half deep in yourself, they might forgive you, even if they were to find out."

"What do you say when people ask why you started?"  
"I always tell a story about how I always dreamed to be an actor."  
"Oh! Maybe I should think of such a story as well! Thanks for your kind advice! Shall we eat?"

* * *

I am sure the media will never notice it, but I did. The slight flinch, the brightening of his smile the moment I asked the question. I guess he would not tell his nosy kohai, his real reason. Maybe he did it for that high-school girl. I am sure she knows him well. She must be beautiful, to capture his heart, I suppose she is also sweet, warm and caring. How different from me, she'll won't be broken like me. I who have become so numb. My soul, flew away together with me ability to love, and be loved. My spirit has been sleeping since Shotaro revealed his true colors.  
No, I could never compare to Tsuruga-san's lady-love.

Has she sat here? Did she make him dinner? She probaly has, after all, who could turn the Tsuruga-san down. Now I am sitting here, like she likely did, but as I try to imagine her here I end up with envisioning myself. When I was his manager I sat here. As I slept he must have been thinking of his girlfriend, why else did he wake me with such a gentle look on his face? I had failed my duty to wake him up in time.

I wish he'd wake my spirit up like he woke me that day. My spirit which has been hibernating for almost a year now. I believe my soul vanished when Sho crushed it. And without it I know I am sure to fall into darkness, if I am not already. And I know only two kinds of people will be able to save me, a prince or a fairy… I don't think any prince will bother with me though. Corn however was nice with me, but he is in his own world now.

I know that I am lacking, but I still hope he'll breath life into me, like he breathes life into his characters.

* * *

My head begins to ring with yet another melody. Very different from before, this one is rough, the lines that drift after the melody are nearly screaming in my head. It is becoming to much to take for me.

"Tsuruga-san, it seems such a long time since we last spoke. How have you been?"  
"I have been eating regularly, if that's what you are inquiring about."

The smirk on his face would have molten any pure-hearted girl. Despite that I see the lexical loophole.

"And the food you have been eating, has it been nutritious. Enough vegetables and not just rice-balls?"  
"It reached my standards. And you wouldn't have too much objections. Anyway, my eating habits aside. Have you received any interesting offers as of late?"  
"Well, I have been offered an antagonist role..."  
"Mogami-san. Don't tell me you ignored Hizuri-san's advice and turned it down."

His voice is stern, however he also seems slightly amused, maybe he is laughing at my bad-girl curse.

"I did not! I wouldn't be so bad a son as to ignore his father's advice! It isn't even a bully role. It is just … The character will fall in l lo-, it is also a bit of a romantic story, with quite an intimate scene."  
"Intimate? How so?"  
"Well, that is, how do I say it … my character will have to, well, ehm, she'll k-ki-kiss someone."

I can feel my cheeks warming at the near mention of the L word. Thinking back to when I found out, I remember Sawara-san's confused reaction as to why I was so flustered. Having to explain it once was already bad enough, but I cannot tell Tsuruga-san! Speaking of that meeting, didn't Sawara-san say I was not to speak about details, until after the shooting!?

"I am sorry Tsuruga-san! Please forget what you just heard! I am not supposed to say anything more!"  
"Don't worry Mogami-san, I will not tell. But it is a shame you cannot tell more. I was getting interested."

The tender smile which is gracing his face now is almost too much for me and my grudges to bear. The mention of love probably made him think of the girl he loves. Seeing him like this nearly makes me want to be that girl, innocent and happy. But I know I never can be, my spirit is fast asleep. 'Do not fret, I am sure he will be able to wake it,' I smile at the angel's words. He is Tsuruga Ren, there is nearly nothing he cannot do. He might be able to wake me up, maybe he could act Corn. If Corn were to call my name I'd be safed. Corn could bid my blood to run, before I come undone. If only he could do that, but I know my place, I am merely his kohai, he loves another, most likely perfect girl.  
I feel the a strange sadness engulf me, along with it comes another, ugly greenish emotion. I don't know its name but it burns me, not unlike anger. Oh, I have been Setsu long enough to know his gentleness, to know what I am without. I hope he will not just leave his sister. I wish he would wake me, make me real, so that I can live again. But I know he is not meant for me.

"Mogami-san?"

Tsuruga-san breaks the silence just before it can turn awkward.

"Yes?"

"Have you heard of that new movie? The one with the un-dead serial killer?"

"I know of it, you mean Tragic Marker right?" Even in the privacy of his apartment we keep the facade, Tsuruga Ren and Mogami Kyoko have nothing to do with the Heel siblings.

" **Yes that one it will go in premiere soon. And it seems the antagonist caused quite a stir, not only has nobody ever heard of him, it also seems like he is too close to his sister." Like Cain, I have been living in a lie. I pretend that I am merely her senpai. And like Cain I can never act on my feelings. She seemed so heartbroken just now. I hope thinking about Setsu'll distract her.**

"There is nothing wrong with being close siblings right?" I cannot keep Setsu from adding that sentence to the conversation.

"Yes I agree, but I am still curious as to what they both will look like …"

I now get the reason Tsuruga-san brought up our alter egos. We have yet to discuss our premiere outfits with Jelly. Despite the appeal of the undoubtedly great dress the premiere makes me sad. It will mean the end of the Heel siblings. Without each other's touch the Heels are likely to freeze inside us. Setsu will freeze inside me, just like the innocent Kyoko I once was. Without the love of most important person, who is the only living in her world of dead. Without her only important person, she wouldn't last long…

She'll sleep for a thousand years, like I'm doing now, unable to perceive everything. Unable to make any sound, not wanting to die, just waiting for her darling to wake her up. I feel a tear glide down my cheek. I didn't notice it formed. Tsuruga-san seems to raise his hand to wipe it away but then changes his hand's path. He must have remembered his girlfriend, it would be improper for him to touch me casually.

* * *

" **What is it Mogami-san?" I am alarmed, I had hoped to lift her spirits with the prospect of dressing up in a great dress. Instead I made her even more sad! I seem to bring nothing but pain and hurt …**

" **It is okay Tsuruga-san, I am just going to miss Setsuka."**

 **Setsuka, not Cain or the Heel siblings, she'll just miss Setsu. It numbs me, freezes me. It had seemed we had gotten closer, but now she erases all color from my world with a few sentences. It would hurt me, stab deeply into my soul if it wasn't buried deeper than I can reach. I know my soul to be burried deeply, even deeper than my other self. The boy I ran away from, I know I should stop running, I know I would if there were a chance for me to be happy. But I cannot allow myself happiness. It tears apart what's left of me but I will have to let her go. Cain cannot stay with his sister without escalating things.**

" **Yeah, I'll miss her too." I cannot tell her I would like to continue our other lives.**

" **Won't you miss Cain?" Her innocent golden eyes stare into my fake colored ones. And my face hardens as I think of the things that would happen if Cain stayed around. He would surely succeed in digging Kuon up. She saw my expression change like I see hers now. I know she is thinking about the times I snapped. I wait for her to tell me it would be better for her night rest if Cain stayed away, that he should be frozen inside my mind, never to return. She doesn't however.**

" **Of course, you'll miss him but you are more used to it I suppose. After all you have played so many great characters." So she did see my sadness, but she doesn't know the reasons. I cannot tell her those. I did it for her, so she won't find out the darkness of her fairy prince. She cannot find out the truth about her beloved father's son. I'll turn my lies into truth for her. I'd sacrifice anything for her.**

" **I guess I will miss acting Cain Heel, but not Black Jack I suppose." I smile, but I know it doesn't reach my eyes.**

 **Her eyes notice it, as always and they seem to say that my heart must be frozen. I in turn notice her pain at my fake smile, but I cannot do anything about it, I won't allow myself to.**

 **She wouldn't forgive me if she knew all my feelings, she'd run. So I'll be silent, so she'll be alright. I will let Cain go, make him fade out of my mind. So he won't slip my feelings to his sister.**

 **We pass the chore of washing the dishes with light chitchat, about the president's costume and Kotonami-san's reaction to it, and more of the like.**

 ** _Ren, no matter how hard you try I will stay_** **.**

" **Shall I take you home now?" I ignore Cain's promise for I am determined to make this gentlemanly lie the truth.**

 _ **If you fade us away, only shattered pieces will want to become shatters of a man behind a facade of a gentleman?**_ **The voices in my head have now turned their combined power onto me. But I am determined to counter them, while knowing they are right 'time will tell if it is in vain, meanwhile she'll stay safe, and, above all, unhurt by 'us'.'**

 **I watch her twist in her seat, thanking me for the ride. Everyting inside me is screaming at my body to tug that small lock behind her ear, to tell her anything, anytime. But now I truly am frozen, I cannot feel my senses as I watch her walk away. My car feels so cold without her golden warmth. But I cannot do anything…**

* * *

AN: As you might have noticed I tried to start a real storyline here. I also tried to put more conversation and such in it. Thanks for the follows, favs and charming reviews. Please continue to tell me what you think. Also I want to know if anyone can guess which songs I used this time, my beta-reader could find the first but not the second. (yes this is a challenge to you).


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: MERRY CHRISTMAS (and in the case I don't update before the new year) Happy New Year.**

 **Just to be clear, the songs which I used in this chapter are translated. I own neither the song nor the translation/translyrics. And obviously I don't own Skip Beat.**

 **In case you hadn't noticed already I use bold face for Ren (and his characters)** and normal font for Kyoko(and her characters). _I use 'normal' italics for a narrator / mind's eye._

 **So the songs I used in the previous chapter were Wake me up inside / Bring me to life by Evanescene (apparently the song goes be two titles) for Kyoko and Frozen by Within Temptation for Ren.**

 **Setsuka e Cain,** **Guest (who reviewed on 19** **th** **of December) and MyLuckTookAWalk guessed the first song right!**

* * *

 **CORN:**

 **Darkeness keeps me locked in this room, in this cold I can do nothing but rock myself to sleep. I have no place in 'consciousness' for I am darkness.**

 **Her beautiful smile was for her prince. I told her I was also a prince and she smiled at me too. And when I told her I had to leave she tried to smile just the same. I knew her heart was filled with love for him but I still held hope. Hope, which I found in the way she cherished me, and my stone. I used to be her big fairy secret, and I ruined it.**

 **'That's why 'I' should let her go. 'I' ruined her happiness once, 'I' cannot keep it like this.' Ren agreed.**

 _ **'Sister needs me.' Cain sulked.**_

 **I kicked them from my consious thoughts with a definite:**

 **'Not for long, after the dress** **shopping and the premiere she'll be gone from the world.'  
This coming parting reminds me of the first role I took seriously.**

* * *

 **She was nearly in tears, my cute crybaby princess. I felt cruel for telling her we'd never meet again. I knew I was being cruel but she still told me that she was crying without reason. She told me that as long as it's me she had no reason to regret anything. My sweet princess even told me she'd wait for my return.**

" **Hey now, it'll be alright. I believe in you." Those were her last words before I walked away from her. And I knew I would never have the first place in her heart.**

 **But by walking away 'I' ended her life.**

 **I left her there to be torn apart by those two demons. Those two egoist demons, one who wants her to be something she cannot be, the other uses her for his convenience.**

 **'But I am no better. I lied to her, I left her and I am still lying to her…' Ren added to my selfhate.**

 **'I know what I did 'you' don't have to remind me. Why else do you think I locked myself behind those conscience bars.' I bark back at him and I turn away. I am sure mom and dad saw in my eyes that day that I left my eyes' light in that stone. And even after all this time I still regret those steps I took.**

 **Rick tried to heal me, but he couldn't, now my hands are stained with not only hers but his blood too. No matter who forgives me, no matter which court says I am not to blame I know the truth. I ruined lives and my hands will always be stained. None of my tears can wash them, so I'll live like them. I cannot be happy. That's why I'll have to let her go.**

* * *

 **Tomorrow Cain will go shopping with her, she'll pretend to be happy like she always does. Setsu wouldn't flinch at me but her true self will. I know, as I see her eyes I see my own emptiness reflected.**

 **'No, Setsu is happy and wants 'us' to be happy too, you know that. She tried to save 'you' from emptiness THAT time. 'We' promised to live as her brother, she believes in us!' Cain hates me for my pain, telling me I can not bother their perfect world with my stupid trouble.**

 **'She may believe in us now' Ren starts.**

 **'But she knows me not.' Kuon adds further pushing me to depression. 'She says now she trusts 'us' but she doesn't know 'we' left her to be used, she doesn't know 'we' killed her.'**

* * *

KYOKO:

* About a week later *

"Okay Yashiro-san, thanks for telling me"

I am worried, though Yashiro-san just ensured me Tsuruga-san has been eating well he also said he has been very listless while eating, not paying any attention to his food. To use his exact words: "He could have been eating cardboard without noticing it."

I'll cook for him tonight. A energizing meal, the best I can make in the hotel kitchenette.

I'm looking forward to seeing him again. After those two songs that evening I haven't written any others. There have been no sentences flowing into my mind like the did then.

* * *

 _SETSU_ :

The hotel room is dark, strange, Nii-san is already here according to the Witch. Maybe he couldn't stand the light without me. 'Or maybe Tsuruga-san is tired and already asleep.' Kyoko hopefully adds.

'NO, Nii-san can't sleep without me, he told me so. Leave if you don't want to deal with him.'

I walk into the bedroom of our little suite, and it seems like the goody-two-shoes is right. He really is in bed.

There goes the plan of making him a great meal.  
"Setsu?" Oh? So he IS awake! But his eyes! They are dead, my brother nor that gentleman can be seen. They look like they did after Murebastard insulted him, only ten times worse! I need to pull him back!

"Hi Nii-san, want me to join you or will you come out to eat?"

He doesn't voice an answer, but just lifts the covers. It reminds me of our first meeting, I was a frightened six year old, new to the Heel-foster family. He was lying on the couch with a broken leg. Something about him sparked a tiny fire inside my heart. I knew he would be my brother but I instantly fell for him. By the time I was in middle school, the tiny fire had grown into an inferno, tearing me apart whenever he was away. When I came home and saw him my thoughts would fly away, flutter around and settle on his handsome face. I would fly after them and settle my head over his heart. And just like I'm doing now I would whisper.

"I missed you."

And just like he does every time he takes my hands, and brings them to his lips.

"I missed you too, my sweet sister," His breath which caresses my knuckles only fans the fire higher. I am glad he responds to me, but I am still worried.

I can feel it burn in my chest. I have realized my feelings, and, heavens bless even that nun-like scaredy cat has realized her love for that 'senpai' of hers. So now, unlike so many times before I crawl after my hands and murmer:

"Take my lips, show me what tongues are for. Let the world be damned if they deem us sinfull. I cannot go on like this."

I can feel his body tense, finally a reaction. The Gentleman wants to take over, but I cannot let him. He needs to accept that this body wants to be close to him. It is a good thing that the golden-eyed nun has locked herself in in order to act like a 'normal' me. I smirk, she signed her own fate by giving me free reign.

"Nii-san, please, I am burning for your touch. Kiss me, I have been saving my first for you."

I see a spark of the one called 'Emperor' flicker through my brother's eyes. I win! Emperor can keep that Gentleman in check, so my brother can hold me close.

I want him with me always, he is the only one I trust after all. He is the only one to understand me. When I was bullied and didn't want to bother the kind people who took me in he noticed, without me saying anything. They called us stoics, we couldn't get a bigger compliment. But now I am desperate, 'they' threaten to fade us, to forget us.

"Please tell me Nii-san, I love you, there is nothing wrong with that right?"

I run my hands over his chiseled chest, much like I did to save him last time. Finally he reacts, and he kisses me. Though it is my first I can tell he is as desperate as I am to communicate his feelings.

* * *

 _ **CAIN:**_

" **Don't worry my sweet, there is nothing wrong with our love, we aren't blood related."  
'At least that's what I have been telling myself ever since I read this script.' Ren silently adds to Cains words. 'Go away Ren, my sister needs my attention, so you keep out of i** **t!'**

 **Cain was livid, he didn't want Ren or any of his morals to interfere. So Ren wise** **ly got back to consoling Corn.**

" **No one will come between us, not even THOSE two, I promise." Let this kiss be the seal on that promise.**

 **The kiss I give her is passionate, yet restrained. I don't want to go too far, too fast.**

* * *

 _SETSU_ :

I know that this is make-believe but, I wish this would become real, in a world where there is nothing but us.

Ever since Guam it has been getting harder for me, I want to show everybody you are mine! MY brother, MY beloved.

I cannot comprehend all those feelings, they don't seem entirely mine. But as long as my Cain is near, I don't want to.

Inside my mind I can see the little nun running around in circles, her little demons trying to fight the angels that thrive under my brother's caresses. His lips are now on my collarbone, gently placing a hickey like he explained me. His eyes are smoldering, devouring my face. The fire inside me is blazing, burning every grudge-demon that comes near. I know full well I cannot be truly Nii-san's in this world. I can never be his bride, due to those stupid laws. Just as he gives the mark on my left collarbone a last lick my stomach growls. He pushes away.

"You mentioned dinner? Setsu?" In his eyes I see he, like me, wants to continue but he is thinking of me. During dinner we talk about the premiere and how we can get THOSE TWO to let us meet every now and then. After we clear up he turns to me again, and in his eyes I see the shadow of the Gentleman.

"Go to bed my sweet, you don't want to have bags under your eyes tomorrow, do you?"

"Good night Nii-san." I know it's no use to argue to that face, he'd just get grumpy.

* * *

His eyes stare at me, through me. His smoldering gaze seems to change color, from the stormy grey of Cain, to the chocolate brown of Ren, to a bright green of which I can't put my finger on. I can feel his kisses, taste him on my lips. I see us together, in a chapel, a place we never can be. But I still say yes. I know there is no turning back now, I have decided he's the only one for me. My mind barely formulated that vow and it all swirls away from me. I hear a devilish, familiar laughing. "You're really a plain stupid girl, once hit, twice shy you said! Look at you now!"

Everything turns bright red, and I realize morning has come to free me from my dream-turned-nightmare.

"Good morning my sweet sister. Are you alright now?" I realize I am in my brother's arms and my cheeks are sticky with the remainders of my tears. And the evil truth of my dreams hits me again, I start to shake.

"Shh, don't worry. It's okay." He consoles me but I can hear the thickness of a nightmare in his voice.

I remember last night and I wish he'd continue. I wish I had enough strength to keep him close. I wish I wasn't so broken. But as I calm down he gets up and into the bathroom. I wipe the tear stains from my eyes and read my own wish in them, my wish for a world where it's just us two.

* * *

Nii-san will look so gorgeous in the tux I picked for him to match my dress. He is currently having his measurements taken, but I know the exact spot to find him, even through the walls that separate the fitting room and waiting room of this ridiculously large shop. Like a compass knows north I know where he is. He is like a magnet drawing me near. And I cannot resist its force, but since it's Nii-san I don't mind.

KYOKO:

* the next day *

Oh no! What did Setsu do! How will I be able to face Tsu-Ren-san now! I can feel my cheeks turn scarlet. After we both changed back after the shopping trip he had insisted I call him with his first name. He even winked at me while he said that! He is such a playboy! How could Setsu ever even think about being with that player forever!

* * *

 _Inside Kyoko's mind there is a box. It used to hold grudges, now it holds something else. Something that wants to escape, but many locks and chains hold the box closed. Inside the box is the spirit of a hurt girl who wants nothing more than go to her beloved brother. If she cannot then she'd even be contend if THOSE TWO would just meet and do what she and her brother never really can. But that nun, that is in the way of her forever, locked her too well._

 _Beside the girl's spirit there is another thing in the box, it is a music score, which reads 'I'd Lie' at the top._

* * *

 **AN: Credits for translating the first song go to:** lygerzero0zero (direct translation) and officialnanoTV (translyrics). **Me understanding the second song is due to:** ham / SirHamnet YT

 **If you feel like you know the song, feel free to guess, as always.**

 **A big thank you to all of you who follow and favorite me and the story, it is a great motivator to write! AS ARE REVIEWS.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: So I guess nobody recognized the previous songs as nobody guessed. The first song was Gallows Bell** **made by buzzG sung by Hatsune Miku originally. The second song was Magnet by minato sung by Hatsune Miku and Megurine Luka. I do not own those, nor the translations. In fact I own no song I use since I am terrible at writing songs. And if I owned Skip Beat, this wouldn't be a FANfiction but it would be canon.**

 **Side note, Magnet was on a dare with my wonderful beta-reader since it is said (and very much seems) to be a lesbian love song. However when I searched the lyrics and translyrics she noticed how well it fit the Heel-siblings, thus the previous chapter was born.**

 **In this chapter Ren and Kyoko won't actually interact but I tried to make it flow. Feel free to guess again, and reviews really make me write faster ^.^**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

It's like a storm is going round in my head. Setsu is locked in the box, together with some other things, which I don't want to name. I'm not sure if I could. Setsu's imprisonement isn't the only reason for this storm inside my head.  
Nightmares have been plaguing me ever since I woke up next to Cain. I have trouble sleeping now. The nightmare each have been different, but every single one of them ended with Sho taunting me with my promises against love.  
Each time I wake up in the Darumaya, alone in my dark room it reminds me of my time in the Fuwa ryokan. And I relive the pain, the feeling of waking up each day, hoping to be loved, knowing nobody can ever love me.  
The dear angels, grown in the light of Cain's fake love try to deny it, but I know better. My mother couldn't stand the sight of me, I was incapable of satisfying her expectations. And my attempt love, well Sho also couldn't stand the sight of me.

* * *

Deep in the darkness of my mind, my grudges are once again burning the word love. The angels are protesting against the burning of the reason for their existence. And I feel both sides are preparing to wage war inside my head. And I notice that I wouldn't mind it. If they want war, why not today, if it soothes this storm.

Today I have no acting jobs anyway. Today I am alone, cleaning the music studios. Moko-san and Amamiya-san are on away for their missions the whole day. It has been a while since we all did a job together. Well, we all have this lyrical job, but we don't really work together now.

My grudges have finished the ritual burning of love and begin to chant: 'You cannot live without the fire, this heat will strengthen our master. We've been born to live and fight the hurtful love all the way!' Deep inside I know that love will always bring pain, for that is what I have known for all of my life. I know I cannot be loved without being hurt, I already accepted that when my mother left me. So many people left me because they could not love me …

My subconsciousness is rearranging my thoughts into lines, like it tends to do lately. I will write them down later. For now I'll just focus on cleaning the mess that is this studio.

Those who left it in such disarray probably thought they were creating trouble. But this isn't the worst I have seen. At the Fuwa's drunk customers regularly gave more trouble. My grudges pop out, arming themselves with my fury and anger towards that stupid Shotarou. I have been raised to handle the madness of a ryokan alongside him, but he was never there for me. I'm on my own. I've got nothing to lose anymore, for my dreams are mine. My dreams may turn into nightmares but before that they are my dreams. So are my daydreams …

Footsteps down the hall pull me back from the LaLa-land of fairy tales, right I should be cleaning now. It's no use to get lost in my own fantasies, they won't come true anyway.

In my subconsciousness I notice a verbal war has broken out. The grudge-demons are still scanting about the fire of hate, which strengthened me. The love-angels are chanting that I cannot hide from the love that is inside me, I cannot walk away from it. I let them 'debate' and continue cleaning the studio. All the trash has now been removed, but there are still stains from spilled foods everywhere.

I try to avoid pushing any buttons or switches on the control board as I clean, I'll get yelled at if I mess something up.

As I finish cleaning the 'control' room and move on to the studio my inner minions seem to have reached a compromise as the storm which has been raging inside me has quietened down.

* * *

* Kyoko's mind's eye *

The oldest angel shakes the leading grudge the hand. Both look disgusted by the contact but just seconds before both signed the following:

'Nobody will need to fear us, minions of master Kyoko. Unless they have a dark heart and vile intentions. Those who prey on the innocent, and vile ones as described above will not be able to hide. Darkness will not save them from us, those who have 'evil' intentions will be hunted down by us, like the animals they are. Those caught, will be thrown in the deepest abysses of hell.

Thus we,

Angels of Love and Innocence  
and  
Grudges of Betrayal and Hate

solemly vow.

To protection of our master, Mogami Kyoko-sama.'

* * *

*The next day after the team meeting of LME*

"Sawara-san, you remember I asked you to get one of the LoveMe-girls to clean the 'Angel' studio?" Nakazawa-san asks the head of the talent department.

"Yeah, I remember, I assigned that task to Mogami-kun, she seems to enjoy cleaning."

"Ah, is that so. Well she got a 100 points, it was spotless. But that wasn't why I asked. When I went to check it after she had finished I noticed the installation was still recording. I doubt she noticed, she has no idea of how it all works. But the tape that was accidentally made ended up on the desk of one of my employees. He listened to it, thinking it was an audition tape, well listen for yourself." Nakazawa-san hits play on the sound installation of the room and faint sounds fill the conference room. First it is faint, a distant humming in a different room, but then the voice suddenly becomes more distinguished, as if the owner entered the studio room from the control room while singing. -what had been the exact case-

The singing suddenly stops but then begins again, apparently from the beginning of a song.

By now Lory, who had been waiting for Sawara-san just outside, re-enters.

"Who is singing? We must hire her! She is truly exquisite, to be able to express so much emotion in one song! Did she write it herself?" Lory's enthusiasm doesn't fit his roman senator costume, but his face is particularly shining at the discovery of this great voice.

"Ah, president, we have already hired her, …" Nakazawa-san cannot even finish his sentence before he gets interrupted.

"What! Who? Don't tell me this is Matsunai-kun's new song? I never thought she would try something beside the pop she has been doing up until now."

"No, we believe it is the LoveMe number one, Mogami Kyoko. Eh, president?"

At Sawara-san's words Lory's face rapidly changes. The happy, almost blissful expression becomes, sad and tearful.

"So, she isn't singing about the beautiful fire of love. Why isn't she singing a love song!"

Everybody in the building is then startled a loud wail, a wail like a dying lion might cry when he sees his family murdered. Well, not everybody, one thespian is too lost in his own thoughts.

* * *

 **She truly surprised me I never thought Setsu would be so demanding. Kyoko must be freaking out by now, Setsu overstepped her boundaries big time. But I am also to be blamed, I could not hold Cain back, I was unable snap out of the act. Still, I am not sure if I wanted to stop it. Her fingers on my chest enchanted me, her soft lips …**

" **Ren? Will you accept that offer?"**

" **Yeah, I think so, it seems interesting." I have no idea which offer Yashiro means, but if I admit I was distracted, he'll know something happened between the Heel-siblings.**

 **I glance at the script in my hand, the summary reads:**

" **Takeshi Tora** **is a girl raised by her master, he taught her all about martial arts so that she could compete in the ultimate competition. What Tora** **doesn't know is that her master bears a curse, that curse is bound by the tattooed** **eyes he bears on the left side of his chest and back. When she 'inherits' her master's curse her life changes drastically. She has to enter high-school but at night she roams the streets as Mouko, fighting gangs. While on the streets she meets a young masked man, who starts fighting on her side. She fa** **lls in love with him despite knowing next to nothing about him." The part they offered me is the part of Tomari Ryū** **the young man who Mouko falls in love with. What Mouko doesn't know is that Ryu also works at her school as the PE teacher Tsukai Haku.**

 **His mask will depict a dragon. This drama is the debut of the actress who'll play Mouko, so it comes with a contract to keep silent about it. The secrecy about this project will set the tone for the secrecy depicted by the movie, so very little will be released. The actors who get the roles don't know who else has been offered, not who accepted. '** **It smells like the boss.'** **Kuon just has to add. I agree with him, but I it's going to be directed by director Okuya. After 'The Scarlet Dice' and the fiasco with that child-actress he did very little other projects.**

" **I think this will be very interesting. Tell them I accept."**

* * *

 **The so** **unds of an organ fill my room before I hit the mute button. I don't want to hear that guys** **song, though it became quite popular. I like the video way more than the song itself anyway. It is actually sad that I am watching her in her roles because she won't face me now. I know for sure Kyoko will squirm out of any arrangement which puts us alone in one room. So out of desperation I am watching the 'Prisoner' music video.**

 **Her angel, captivates me, she is so innocent and pure, just like she used to be …**

 **I wish I had her, so I can allow myself a moment of love. '** ** _My sweet sister is more of an angel, despite seeing my darkness she sticks close.'_** **Cain cuts into my thought process, annoying Kuon who snaps back: '** **Then I wish I had your angel tonight.** **' I cannot help but agree with him. Setsu admits love, she acts love. Setsu is unhurt by it, unafraid. But I am not worthy, for deep into that dying day, I took a step outside my innocent heart. I then hurt people, I hurt my parents and killed my best friend. So if Setsu or Kyoko were to love me, she'd need to prepare herself to hate me for my crimes. And the night she finds out will likely hurt her like never before. Even Fuwa's betrayal seems like a white lie compared to the net of lies I spun to keep her safe.**

 **Even when she was only six I lied to her. '** **I loved her, though I could act on it then.'** **Kuon adds regret woven into his voice. And I agree 'Old loves die hard' especially when its her.**

 **Cain, feeling left out lashes at us '** ** _old lies die harder, or so it seems.'_** **He is right, of course, I cannot tell her I am no fairy. I cannot tell her the truth about my family. 'I wish I had your angel Kuon.' Her innocent smile, her every manner is so dear to me. I can never think straight when she's involved, especially when she is so daringly dressed as Setsu. Even her Natsu gets to me.** **'It seems to 'me' that 'we' are in love with 'our' lust'** **Kuon summarizes. His use of the plural is accurate since no matter who's in charge 'we' can't help but follow her with our eyes. But I also know that the same lust will burn her angel innocence, her wings. If I go on like last night I'll reduce her wings to dust.**

 **I resent my frail self-control, she only asks a kiss and I want a thousand things more. I know she has been hurt but I cruelly want her no matter what her feelings are. She must hate me now for giving in to Setsu. That drunken disguise which is called Cain changed all the rules. '** ** _Hey, I may like my booze but I would not become drunk and trouble my sister!'_** **Cain loudly protest against my thoughts.**

 ** _'I wish I had your angel Ren! She has been hurt, sure, I'll chase that jerk down and cherish her. I could be with her forever!'_** **Cain cries out. He cannot have his sister, he knows that, so he wants my hurt princess.**

* * *

 **It would be the greatest thrill, to hunt her. Not to kill but to have her, the prize of the night.**

 **'I' am a hypocrite, wanna be friend. 'I' say 'I' won't hurt her but we betray her by loving her. 'I' stole her 'first' kiss in Guam. Her every touch is 'my' bliss. But her beauty always brings 'my' darkest thoughts. 'I' would hurt her, 'I' would destroy her if she ever found out 'my' love, 'my' lust.**

 **On the screen of my tv her face is shown, the last tear dries on her cheek as she smiles. She watches him fall and her wings burn to dust. Her smile turns into an evil grin, the love is destroyed.**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Sorry it took me so long, but my study kept me busy. But here is another chapter for you all, thanks to my beta KetriaTM for the quick proofreading.  
**

 **The songs I used last chapter were 'Iron' by Within Temptation and 'I Wish I had an Angel' by Nightwish**

 **I don't own SkipBeat.**

* * *

"Mogami-kun? How is your song writing coming along? Anything you want to produce yet? Kurosaki-kun has heard of this project and is eager to help you with a video."

"I have thought of it, there have been lines which stuck in my head, but producing any of them … I don't think I'd be comfortable with that, it wouldn't feel right. I'm sorry." I hang my head, it seems that I have let people down.

"Don't be sorry, I just wanted to let you know that when you are ready to produce arrangements can easily be made."

"Thank you president. If that was all, I'll be leaving first."

"Yes, and good luck with your martial arts training."

"Thank you, good day."

* * *

I sigh, I actually would like to produce a song of my own. To know every feeling behind the promotional video. Maybe I'll be able to write something? I have no other things to do today, besides training that is.

The empty page stares at me, I thought of my nightmares and of the Okami-san's advice to let go of whatever was plaguing me. I don't think I can yet. So I tried to sum up what I did for the main topic of my nightmares. I tried to make a song of all the tears I cried for him, of all the blood I shed for him, but it wouldn't flow with my feelings. Now it lies crumbled in a corner and I am still thinking about how I should begin this song. My first for the public, I cannot use any names. Sho's fans will murder me, they think him perfect …

"That's it!"

He was my sparkling angel. Perfect, beautiful, and he would save me from loneliness and abandonment. But blinded, like his every fan, I couldn't understand, all the warnings, his hateful whispers, I heard so clear.

But I saw my own lovely angels, trying to defend my heart. Those angels have now sworn to protect me, they have allies and I'll lead them to him. There will be no escape for him, because I will show as much mercy as he has shown me.

That guy deceived me from the start, he didn't even want 'me' to go to Tokyo with him, he wanted a free maid.

My pen snaps from the pressure I put on it. I throw it beside the discarded paper and write on with a new one.

He took my heart, he made an illusion of a happy couple, living together, knowing full well that was my dream. He must have laughed so hard every time he went away on a 'job' and I wished him good luck. He broke his promises to come home as quickly as he could. And now I finally realize it was all a lie.

I curse my old self, for her blindness, why could I never see his real feelings? I never saw that he wasn't a sparkling angel. I never realized he had fallen into the dark scheming pits of hell. But still I don't know why he treated me like that. I maybe plain, I maybe boring and I may have been a servant in his house for a long time, but still he was my only human friend. I knew him best but he cheated me. I have no idea what made him think I had no feelings, I have no clue of why he seemed so offended by my presence. But I do know I will make HIM pay, one way or another. Now I have a best friend who will support me, a little sister who will curse HIM for me, and I have a sempai who'll teach me, so I can get better than HE is.

And I will be at his door, defeating him. He broke his promises, and made me realize how much of a low life he really is.

Had he not said those words I would have served him forever, but he said them. At that moment 'we' hit the end. We will never be like we were, but I do not regret bringing him that meal …

The pen falls from my hand as my thoughts linger on that last thought. I hate him for deceiving me, but thanks to his words I found acting, I found a friend. So I don't hate his words?

I feel a tear trace my cheek, another is starting to form in my other eye as I realize I only hate Shotarou's lies. But his honesty when he said he didn't love me, his frozen state as he watched me cry, his love for strawberry pudding, I hate none of those. I merely hate the illusion he created so I'd go to Tokyo with him, for him. I suppose he felt like the world had failed him and his gifts, but it didn't give him a reason to deceive me! He could have chosen a different way, he didn't and that's the only thing I hate him for ...

I reach for the pen and through my tears I write the last few lines.

* * *

" **Kyoko-chan? I'm sorry to disturb you, but I need to talk to you."**

 **I knock on the shocking-pink door and enter without waiting for an answer. I'm sure she'd try to keep me out anyway.**

 **I am shocked to see the state the room is in. Several papers lie crumbled in a corner, a bit to the right lies a broken pen, above it on the wall is a smudge where it must have hit. A pink mess is draped over the table more papers are beneath it on the table.**

" **Kyoko-chan? Sawara-san told me I'd find you here. I really need to talk to you." I know she should be here somewhere and I wish she'd respond.**

 **Suddenly the pink blob stirs and rights itself into the perfect posture only the girl I'm looking for has.**

" **What do you need Tsuruga-san?" She holds her face in an unreadable mask, but I can see the stains of tears on her cheeks. And the fact that she uses Tsuruga-san tells me she is confused and has been crying. I sigh.**

" **I really wish you'd call me by my given name Kyoko-chan, or do you think we don't know each other well enough to do so? After the 'job' we are about to finish?" I want to remind her of her agreement to call me Ren as well as our last situation as the Heels.**

" **I'm sorry Ren-san I didn't mean to insult you, nor the time you spent teaching me. How are you today?"**

 **I know she's only being polite in inquiring about my day but it gives a nice conversation starter for talk I want to have with her.**

" **I am well, though I seem to be missing my sister a lot already."**

" **I miss her too, but I also like the extra free time it gives me. I will be able to help out at the Darumaya a lot more." She answers me with a business smile but I can see the loneliness in her eyes.**

" **Kyoko-chan, I'm sorry I let Cain misbehave, I should have held him back."**

" **..." Kyoko doesn't answer but again I see loneliness cross her face and sadness? I sit down opposite of her and look into her beautiful golden eyes.**

" **Kyoko-chan? Answer me please, are you alright?" I am starting to get worried again. According to Sawara-san Kotonami-san and Amamiya-san haven't been able to come here for two consecutive days, so the room is in its current state due to Kyoko. Which doesn't make sense, Kyoko is usually so neat.**

" **I'm fine, please don't worry about me Tsu-Ren-san." I give up and drop my gaze to the papers she was slumped on when I came in. They appear to be music sheets, lyrics and notes written in Kyoko's handwriting.**

" **So this is the song you wrote for you latest LoveMe assignment right? Can I see it?"**

" **No! It's not finished yet! Besides it's not good anyways. What did you want to talk about Ren-san?"**

 **She hurriedly gathers the papers and I get up, knowing she will not tell 'me' what really bothers her. The only two people she might tell are Kotonami-san and Corn. And I can be neither at the moment. So I slowly walk to the door.**

" **Nothing much actually, I just wanted to wish you succes, you got the lead role in a drama series right? Good luck!"**

" **Thanks Ren-san, I wish you also good luck in your jobs."**

 **I bid her goodbye and go to my room in LME. Like every big star I have my own soundproof 'dressing' room here, so I have a place to relax if I stop by here. After my conversation with Kyoko just now, my hands itch for a guitar. Yashiro told me that there has been talk of an official video for one of the LoveMe songs, and knowing the President and Kyoko it might very well be the song I just saw. Kyoko's hard work and just the memory of her singing in my kitchen make me want to sing to her as well. Someone once told me that songs release our emotions, and at the lack of the time and equipment for a good work-out session I'll try my hand at it, again.**

 **Maybe it'll reach Kyoko's heart.**

* * *

 **I pick up the guitar which Lory had placed in my room long ago. He actually gave me the same assignment he gave Kyoko when I first arrived here.**

 **While I tune the old instrument I close my eyes and picture Kyoko in front of me. I see her as she was, a young uncertain girl looking at her fairy prince to rescue her. That image seems to fit perfectly over the girl I just left in the LoveMe room.**

 **I can hear her telling me that she's free but I know she means she is lonely.**

 **She says she's fine but she cannot fool me me, her eyes tell me the real story. She is hurt, like me, so she should be able to be honest.**

 **I see the scene I left just moments ago; she says she is fine but her lips are trembling. I know I could help her, if she'd be willing to accept me ...**

 **I just want to help her like she helped me, when I was Cain. I want to return the favor. So please Kyoko, get rid of your fears, I already knew about your hurt.**

 **Let today be my day and trust me, Kyoko!**

 **Give your fears to me, it will give you hope in return. Give me the dark of the night, and I'll give you the morning light in return. As long as you don't reject me, I'll come to find you.**

* * *

* a meeting room in LME *

"Please excuse me, but a very urgent matter requires my attention. I'll be back shortly."

Once outside the room Lory turns to his aide. "What happened? Are they kissing? Has he finally confessed?"

The man shakes his head negatively.

"Don't tell me Maria got into trouble for making adjustments to her uniform or something." The president of LME suddenly looks old at the prospect of dealing with the boring principal of Maria's school; the guy's sense of humor disappeared, with all pf his colorful clothing, two centuries ago.

"No sir, it is Tsuruga-san. Though he did none of the things you just mentioned, he did pick up the guitar you gave him five years ago. He is singing."

The dark man watches as his bosses face changes from that of a beaten puppy to a child's face when it's told Christmas, Valentine and its birthday all came early this year.

"I have to see this, is the microphone working properly? And the camera?"

"Yes sir, the movement detector on the guitar also started the recording. The microphone behind the camera gives a good sound."

* * *

 **In my mind I see her Setsu, as she was after 'that', avoiding my gaze. Please look at me, my dearest! You don't need to say anything, I know the words hurt. But I know I would never hurt you, if I'd be worthy I'd love you. My dearest, you don't have to say anything, I know love is too heavy for you to bear now. But stay the night with me, let me comfort you so that you may rest. When morning comes the world will be brighter and you'll smile again.**

 **I am very aware that in her current state she wouldn't want me anywhere near her. But the idea of her possibly leaving me because of this makes me feel lost beyond words. Only my golden-eyed princess can make me feel like 'I' belong here, whoever 'I' am. I know that I'd follow her anywhere, as long as she doesn't ask me to leave. I'd never let her go, but I wish she'd give me her fears so I can give her hope. If she'd entrust me with her darkest nights I'd give her the brightest day back.**

 **And as long as she doesn't reject me … I will find a way to make her trust me.**

* * *

"So the boring guy finally got it huh? Pretty bad from the sounds of it." The voice resounding in the security room gets desperate and the face distressed, and the greek clothed guy watching the re-run laughs maniacally.

"Send this and the tape from Mogami-kun too 'that' guy."

"Right away."

The younger man, dressed in an interesting mix of greek and arab garbs leaves the room as the mustached man hits replay again.

* * *

 **AN: So feel free to guess, but for Ren's song I used a non-English one so I doubt many will recognize it. Please tell me what you thought!**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Sorry! It has been a while. I have been very busy with my study and I have had very little inspiration. So now, very late the next chapter.**

 **The songs I used in the last chapter were Angels by Within Temptation and Geef mij nu je angst by Guus Meeuwis. I used three songs in this chapter so feel free to guess again!**

* * *

I hope Ren-san didn't read any of the lyrics. He'd think I still want revenge, but what is there for me to take revenge on? The sound those hatefull words is long gone and the person who said them is now spoiled beyond my help. I sigh, I told Ren-san long ago that I gave up on revenge. I told him I like acting and I do, I love it. But I still want to be in that bright space, in the limelight casting a long shadow.

I know I will never be good enough, Ren-san is so much better than me, Moko-san is way more pretty than I am. Perhaps this is my fate, to always live in someone's shadow.

"Kyoko-san? What's wrong?"

"Hello, Amamiya-san, did the shoot go well?" I hadn't noticed Amamia-san's entry. I guess I was too self absorbed to notice my own friend.

"It went okay, my 'twin' brother was acting really lousy but after the 5th take he finally seemed to get that he shouldn't be trying to woe me but act like the spoiled brat his character is." She sighs and I can see her hand twitch to write a curse for the guy.

"Is he interested in you?"

"Nah, he is more the kind of guy who thinks himself to be the greatest, and irresistible while he is a good for nothing. If anything he is convinced I am interested in him." Amamiya-san scoffs as she lowers herself into the chair opposite of me. She drops her gaze to the papers in front of me.

"So this assignment of President Lory is what got you into this teary, dark mood?"

"Well, not exactly the assignment, it's more the feelings it calls forth."

"You want to talk about it? It worked for me, and I may not be Kanae-san but I can listen and maybe give some advise."

"It's not that I don't want to tell you Amamiya-san, it's just … I don't know where to start."

"How about you start at the beginning? What were you writing about?"

"I was writing about Sho, my childhood friend who used me and threw me away, it made me think about my childhood, why I started to lean on his approval so much." Amamiya-san says nothing but I see pity in her eyes, she knows how bad childhood traumas can be. She nods, and motions for me to continue.

"I was six when my mother went away, I guess she got sick of me being in her shadow. She left me because I wasn't good enough. After that I guess I was stuck in a broken life, without parents I was scorned by my classmates. There was one older boy, he comforted me but eventually he had to leave. After that I was on my own, living with the Fuwa family in their ryokan." I sigh, and think about how it could have been, if Corn hadn't left, I don't blame him, he had his own problems, but even so I didn't want him to leave.

"When my young self looked around, trying to find something right. I saw a 'perfect' existence, someone beautiful. He had everything I never had, so I escaped my own broken life and ran right into his life. I nestled myself in his shadow, following where he went, dreaming his dreams.

It used to be so hard to be 'me' so I became his. But I guess that even back then I acted. I acted the 'young-okami' and a happy girl while hiding in Shotaro's shadow. I tried to hold his hand, even when it was cold inside mine. I guess he never really saw ME, but I was content with his tolerance. My happiness was like the sleeping beauty, resting forever in a nightmare full of thorns and hardships. Sleeping, unwavering no matter how much noise there was outside my happiness never opened its eyes to the thorns, until cruel words cut its innocence. Cruel words woke other feelings and freed me from the rose-thorn prison of delusional happiness." I look up from the paper in front of me, on which I have been scribbling.

"And here I was thinking I had it bad, I'm sorry Kyoko-san I never knew."

"Don't fell sorry for me, your story is so much worse. Besides I have been awoken in the best way, fast and harsh, I had a clean break, and I actually am grateful for that. After he threw me away all days collided, one less perfect than the next. My heart was shattered, but I was living with more emotions than ever. I realized I had always been stuck in someone else's life, I have always been second best to my mother and to Sho. But now I feel safe to walk in the light, to be myself."

"No wonder your Mio is so great! You really have that hatred even though you normally don't show it. You really are a great actress Kyoko-san. I'm sorry I pushed you that day, you had it much worse than me and yet I was jealous of your succes while you really deserved it, and I did not not ..." Amamiya-san's eyes shone with passion when she started speaking but as her voice trailed of I could see pity in them.

"Don't pity me." I say half to myself half to her. "Don't pity me I regret nothing exept ever being so naive. But he took me to Tokyo so in a way he gave me acting. And acting gave so much more, I got Maria-chan for a sister Hizuri Kuu for a father and you and Moko-san as sisters too. I am fine now, I've got a family now ..." I let the sentence die as I consider my own words. I can feel new tears tracing my cheeks as I recal all the kindness I encountered.

"Kyoko-san?"

"I'm cool now!" Young Kuon answers quickly, called forth by my thoughts of outo-san.

"I now have got more than I deserve, family, a job I love and a nice place to stay." I amend Amamiya-san is still a bit startled from my earlier reaction but she doesn't say anything else about it.

I am not planning revenge anymore, the past is the past and I learned from it so now I've got to live.

* * *

 **SHO**

…

" **You know Sho-chan, in school they say that that annoyingly boring girl is with that pin-headed actor. They deserve each other, don't you think so? Two untalented people, I'm sure they soon will be forgotten. And you know not only people at my school say they are fit for each other, yesterday Ootomo-san and Momose-san were saying the same! They said they fit each other in looks and in talent ..." I tune Pochii out, she has been rambling on about the latest rumor. The cast of "Tigress" has been leaked, and it turns out Kyoko will play Tsuruga's love interest in the filmsy drama-action-romance.**

* * *

 **I jolt awake, the clock tells me it is five in the morning, way too early for me to be awake, but my dream left me no choice but to wake up.**

 **I dreamt about HER and me, how we grew up what into the relationship I wanted us to have. But in the end I realized it was only a dream. I want to travel back that road, I wish she'd come back to me. No one knows I came this far because she supported me. I now realize I would still be in Kyoto if it weren't for her adoration, I curse my own foolishness. I was at the top, always Number 1 in her mind. Now I'm in the lowest basement, even deeper than lack of manners. I know she found my replacement in that ken-doll gentleman. And I know full well I cannot take it. Each time I think of him he rubs in my face that he is everything I'm not, and I can't stand that.**

 **I ignore the fact that I keep stabbing a knife in my own chest as a melody bubbles its way into my head, wanting to flow from my fingers. I grab the nearest music sheet and write.**

 **I can still hear her voice in the air, begging my attention, I still see her pretty face. Yes, now I see how pretty she is and how much more beautiful she has become. Even when she was tired her eyes shone for me, she kept her hair long 'cause she knew I liked to run my fingers through it. She was my lover, she was here all my life, she wasn't long like a model but she used to be MY shorty, she was to be my wife. But now she left me … nothing feels right any more.**

* * *

" **Sho? Writing a new song?"**

" **Yeah." I absent mindedly answer Shoko's question, still writing.  
"For your new album" Shoko inquires turning in the passenger seat to look at me in the back. I look at her, at least she needs to know that this will most likely never hit the stores.**

" **No, this wouldn't fit, nor sell, it just needs to be written." She seems content with the answer and turns back to look out the window again. I continue my writing, thinking about her, thinking about me, what we thought we'd be. And now I realize even that was only just a dream, I was holding her back, she never moved when she was with me.**

 **I stare at the window, I see her face on billboards, and each time I see her I miss her more. When will I learn? I burned her, I never gave her all my love, so I guess I deserve this torture, but it still hurts worse than hell to see her.**

 **Now I'm at the studio, recording songs which I know the audiences will love, but I'm not focusing. I am still thinking about her. She is so easy to love, so adorable but I only saw she wasn't like other girls and thought that was a bad thing. So now I'm missing her and calling her. I know she wouldn't pick up the phone, she has been wanting to move on.**

 **Well according to the rumours she did. I briefly wonder if will she go back to be a nakai, honouring her bet. I guess not, she'll never be a foolish naive girl, she wouldn't fall for Tsuruga, that rumourless guy would sooner fall for her.**

 **My band is taking a break, since they noticed I wasn't focusing, so now I'm alone in the studio, guitar on my lap and the song from this morning is flowing through me like 'Prisoner' did when I watched her. I wish I gave her everything I could like she used to give me everything. But she is beyond my reach I threw my diamond out, I ruined myself, robbed myself of my most precious treasure.**

 **I play the song again from the beginning pouring all my self hate and self pity into it. I know it is all my fault, and I'll never be able to fix it.**

 **As I finish and look up I see everyone staring at me. Then the guitarist starts clapping followed by drummer and soon everybody is applauding me.**

" **That is a great song Sho." Shoko-san praises me, but that makes me even more miserable, she is praising my stupid mistake.**

* * *

"If you wrote that into a song it would be a hit Kyoko." Amamiya-san's eyes shine. I feel torn.

"That would mean singing about my biggest mistake. It would be the same as you singing about your scar."

"True, but I think you are not the only one who lived in someone's shadow. I did too, though I lived in the shadow of my past self instead of someone else's. Please think about it, and if you make a video of it, please remember me."

* * *

 **REN;**

 **In my minds eye I see her as she builds a character. When she found Mio, when she walked into Natsu, she is just like a princess. She is young and wise, getting ready to be a star. Or so she thinks, she doesn't see that she already is. I want to keep her safe, share her worries and ease her fears. I desperately try to protect her from foolish playboy-colleagues. But I cannot do that properly, not yet. I hope I will in good time.**

 **I hope she doesn't turn out just like me, working too hard, hiding behind a carefully crafted mask. I hope she'll be stronger than me, so that she may continue helping the weak. Because without her I'm no one. I depend so strongly on her and she doesn't even realize it. She saved me so many times, now I want to repay her, save her, if she'd just let me.**

 **I owe her so much, without her Cain Heel wouldn't be able to even exist, he would have been fired and I would have sunken deeper than I ever have been.**

 ***knock knock***

 **I straighten up, making sure my mask is intact before I let my manager in.**

" **The president wants to see you before you go to training."**

" **Okay, did he say what about?"**

" **No he didn't, though I heard him mumble about a guitar and finally, but then again he is in a western mood."**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it has been such a while, but the thing is I moved out of my parents' house so I could do whatever I wanted. That kinda killed all my writing time. Before when I was sitting on the coach my mum would watch a serie and I'd write but now I moved I could watch whatever serie** ** _I_** **wanted ...**

 **So sorry it took me so long. No promises about the next release. I think it will be sooner than this one but no guarantees.**

 **By the way, the songs I used last chapter were 'Shadow' by Ashlee Simpson, 'Just a dream' by Nelly and 'Young and Wise' by Racoon.  
This time I used only one song. I look forward to your guesses!**

* * *

* knock knock *

"Sorry to disturb you Sawara-san."

"Come in Mogami-kun, what is it you need?"

I walk in, clutching my song, which I named 'Angels' since I got the angel role HIS PV and HE is the subject in this song.

"Did you write a song you feel comfortable publishing?"

"Yes, I did." I hand him my papers and he looks at the lyrics and then back at me.

"I'll pass these to Nakazawa-san, do you want to sing yourself? And do you have any thoughts on who will make the music and who will act?"

"I want to sing myself, if the sound of my voice is acceptable. As for the music, I don't really know who would be suitable … But I promised Amamiya-san she could act in my music video if I ever should make one."

"Okay, I am sure Nakazawa-san will be able to find some musicians and I will arrange a meeting with him and Kurosaki-san to discuss further details. Oh and the president said to give you also the option to choose another stage name to publish the video under."

My head is spinning from the information Sawara-san seems to notice and assures me I don't have to decide on my name right now, I'll have until the meeting…

I cannot concentrate the rest of the day. I am seriously considering the option to make music under a different name but what name? Every stage name I suggested when I entered LME was instantly rejected. I sigh, if only a name was the only thing weighing on my mind …

Tonight is the last night of the Heel-siblings, the night of the premiere. When tomorrow morning comes they will part and fade. But that is only if I survive tonight. If I let Setsuka out, she'll show my real feelings. I narrowly escaped the consequences of her actions last time by locking her up but tonight she will surely try to escape. I can't let her, I'll have to make it through the evening and night without her. Or I'll lose myself.

Deep inside I know I am kidding myself, already I can feel her kicking the walls of the box. The moment I lose my attention she could easily slip away. And if she does … I will be lost, there will be no fighting my feelings. I'll fall and become a stupid mindless girl.

I walk to Muse-sama's trailer, I hardly noticed the school ended but my body moved on its own.

I dress in Setsu's clothes and inside my box I know Setsu is waiting to be let out but the chains are still firmly locked in their place. Muse-sama puts my chocker on me and it feels like it is the manifestation of the hands of fate, come to choke me. Fear is builing up in me but I have to remain calm for once I begin really panicking she'll be free, and 'I' will be lost …

"Setsu, are you alright?"

Setsu's face Setsu's face! I quickly pull my face into a Setsu-like face and smile in a Setsu-like way.

"Of course Nii-san." Inside my head, inside my box is the real Setsu spirit kicking and screaming to be let out.

Cain doesn't seem satisfied with my answer but lets it slide, probably blaming the excitement for the party.

"Let's go then."

* * *

 **She clings to my arm and smiles prettily on the red carpet but she isn't Setsu …**

 _ **Sister would give me a hickey here and now just to show all those female reporters that I'm hers, and I would gladly return that favor.**_

 **I pull her close and whisper in her ear.**

" **Are you mad Setsu?"**

" **Would I have a reason to?"**

 **Her tone is… not Setsu as is her way of asking. If it was anyone else I'd say they weren't concentrating on the role but this is Kyoko, she doesn't need to concentrate, she IS when she is in the environment.**

" **Not that I know of but you have been behaving unlike yourself, do you want to go back to the hotel?"**

" **No, I am okay, besides, I couldn't miss a party which they give in honor of you."**

 **During the movie she ohs and ahs at the moments others scream in terror but she still doesn't feel like Setsu. Each time I ask she says she's fine but it all feels so wrong.**

* * *

 **After the movie finishes there is dinner, luckily director Konoe gave us our own private table and I get a chance to think about her behavior.**

 **She isn't alright. She isn't even Setsu. Is she afraid of me after what happened? I haven't really had the chance to apologize. But Setsu initiated the actions back then … Is she afraid of Setsu? Can she even still be Setsu!?**

' _ **Let me try, I want to enjoy this last night with my sister! Besides, she'll listen to me, she always does.'**_ **Cain pleads, he's got a point but he also always listens to his sister. But I have little choice so I hand the control to him and move to my favorite secluded spot in my mind, I don't want to disturb Cain's last moments with his sister.**

" **You should eat Setsu, you'll need all the energy you can get tonight."**

 **She gives me another not-quite-Setsu-look and I cannot stand it anymore. It doesn't matter what that girl is thinking but right now she's keeping me from my sister, I won't let her. I know my beloved sister is in there somewhere and I WILL get her out.**

" **Setsu, sweet sister of mine are you mad?"**

" **I'm not."**

" **Then why aren't you looking at me?" I look pleadingly at her. And as the girl looks up I see a flicker of my sister before the other girl smothers her.**

" **I was just focusing on my food Nii-san."**

" **No you weren't, you don't even know what you're eating. Did someone bully you?"**

" **Of course not, I told you I'm fine."**

" **Then why can't you stand the sight of me?" Now I am seriously worried, even that other girl is usually able to either handle me or pull the other guy out.**

" **It's really nothing."**

" **Did you find yourself a boyfriend Setsu** **?** **"** **I** **ask** **in a broken voice. I am very well aware how others look at her. Her head snaps up and finally I see my sister looking at me with her fierce eyes.**

" **Of course not, you are the only one for me Nii-san, you know that don't you!?"**

" **Well, you haven't done much to prove it to me lately. Ignoring me and all that."**

" **I was just sad, when morning comes we … we'll ..."**

" **I told you THOSE TWO won't be able to keep us apart, I pulled you out just now too right?"**

" **Yes you did SHE had locked me up after what I did last time …SHE is afraid that I'll do the same tonight."**

" **So will you? Do the same again I mean?"**

" **Maybe … Not exactly the same though..." She winks flirtatiously at me.**

 **Oh the sake of heaven and hell, don't let her get a boyfriend. If she were to wink like that at a guy with less self control he would have her instead of dessert…**

 **That sounds like a plan, like this she won't reject you.**  
 **She is my SISTER and yes I love her but she would be mad for all eternity if I made her skip** **the rest** **tonight's party.**

" **Why not have some dessert first?"**

" **Will you feed me?" again a wink, accompanied with a sensual smile. Any other guy wouldn't even make it to a hotel room …**

" **Not now, you can eat yourself, can you not?"**

" **Of course I can, I am a woman but I'd enjoy it more when you feed me…" She licks her lips, drawing my attention to them. They glisten in the soft light of the dining hall. They shine about as much as her lip ring …**

 **She is my succubus but I cannot give into her, we are already dancing with the devil skirting the edge.**

" **I won't feed you, not here."**

" **So, you would when we are alone?" She asks with a cunning smile.**

" **I did not say that. Shall we dance? Since don't want to any dessert." I ask as I get up.**

 **Her face falls a bit but as she takes my hand and rises gracefully. She leads me to the dance floor and starts to move to the music.**

* * *

 **I almost immediately regret my decision. Her burgundy strap-less dress contrasts magnificently with her pale skin, the black leather corset accentuates her already perfect figure.**

 **As she dances the back hem of her skirt flirts with the inside of her knees while the front caresses her upper legs.**

 **And then her moves … where did she learn to dance like that. Her every move seduces me, she sways her hips to the beat, moves her arms with the song.** **For a moment I stand petrified, unsure whether I am alive or maybe I died and went to hell. She is so beautiful, sexy but I cannot touch her or she'll hate me forever.**

 **I dance with her as well as I can but I am not focusing. I take each moment I can tear my eyes away from the dark nymph in front of me to glare at all surrounding guys.** _ **She is mine, she dances for me**_ **!**

 **There are no other voices in my head for we are all united in our infatuation for the vixen in front of us. I close my eyes for a moment, trying with all my might to find a reason to stop her but I can not.**

 **I am not sure for how long we danced but it must have been quite some time judging by the state of those around us. The dark vixen is still dancing with me, showing no sign of exhaustion. The song is upbeat, and I am entranced, she dances with her back to me and a peak in the song she suddenly slides down against me. I look down, shocked, did she faint!?**

 **She didn't she is somehow still dancing, crouched low against my legs, smirking up at me.**

 **I nearly lose it, her upward gaze, and the bit of cleavage visible from up here …**

 **She turns around and starts to dance up again, now facing me.**

 **Oh, it is so easy to find what's wrong here. I am what's wrong enjoying her seduction so much but I cannot stop her, it wouldn't be right for our roles. But I simply cannot find what's right here ...**

 **Her hands ghost over my torso and that's all I can take.**

 **I lock my arms around her and crash my lips to hers.**

" **Let's get out of here." I growl, trying to keep my hands from exploring her lean body.**

" **But, Nii-san I want to stay, I want to dance some more!"**

" **Are you sure? If we get out of here you still dance for me … Away from all those other guy- people."**

" **Aw, I was just starting to enjoy this party." She whispers as she locks her arms around my neck and presses her lithe body into mine. Her silver eyes lock with mine and I can see she is lying but wants to play a good party-loving sister instead of the dangerously in love sister she is…**

 **Well she better say goodbye to that part of her which wants to stay innocent, which wants to be a good girl. She lost the chance to be the innocent sister the moment she started to dance with me.**

" **No you were not, you were enjoying me. So come with me so I will be able to enjoy you. Without prying eyes." She purrs in agreement as I lift her arms from my neck and slide my arm around her waist.**

 **I lead her out the door, ignoring the drunk glare Muresame sends after me.**

* * *

 **Once we are in our hotel room her hands fumble with the buttons and zippers of my jacket, I let her take it off, it has become so heavy.**

 **She flings it across the room and ghosts her fingers over my muscles, clearly visible because of the tightness of the shirt. Her hands are trembling as they crawl across my skin. The cold dead eyes of her innocence stare accusingly at me. The void in them drains the life of my resolve. She abandoned her innocence the last time we were together. And now she is dancing again, a little dance against me, full of fear of abandonment and full of passion.**

" **Nii-san, let's finish what we started last time. If tonight's our last I want to make sure 'they' remember it, then they cannot erase us."**

" **Don't tempt me, you might not be able to handle the master of sin who'll come with that."**

" **I won't look him in the eye, he will not take me like that, but you'll dance with me for real won't you Cain-nii-san? We can dance with that sinfull devil without letting him take us. As long as we don't look him in the eye we will be 'us'. Besides, he is already here, he came in when you took of your jacket, or didn't you notice what you were doing?"**

 **She loops her arms around my neck again and pulls me into a kiss.**

 **I am truly lost, her soft lips stole my resolve and the soft skin of her back under my hands …**

 **I pull back. How did her corset become undone? I pull my hands from her back and I feel the strings glide through my fingers.**

 **So that's what she meant. I was undressing her while I was telling her not to tempt me …**

* * *

 **Goodbye, my innocent love.**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: So this time I uploaded a bit faster than last time ...  
I hope you didn't think the last chapter was inappropriate or anything. I tried to keep it in the T-rating but I am not sure how well I managed that. **

**The song I used last time was Dance with the devil by Breaking Benjamin. This time I used two songs and the beginning of a third. I will continue with that third in the next chapter. Feel free to guess again which songs I used, and enjoy!**

* * *

I blink and stare up at the sun. It is so bright and unforgiving.

I can hardly believe what happened last night. What'll Moko-san think, what'd Corn say if he knew … What would everyone I care about say? What'd they do if they knew I'd be so blissful when I wake next to his face? I look back to the sun, shining brightly. The light of it trembles and blurrs as tears spill out of my eyes. They aren't tears of regret but they are all I knew, and they are washing out of me. Everything I thought I could control, everything I used to be afraid off…  
Yesterday I woke in a similar manner. Though I was a bit more positive back then. I remember it clearly. I thought that IF I were to lose myself that night, at least it'd be by his side …  
Well, it turned out to be not so good to lose myself at his side. Heat rises in my cheeks as I remember how my feelings merged with Setsu's and how we danced, solely for the man we love with all of our heart. And all he said last night …

My heart soars about 40.000 feet high as I recall his whispered words. He wasn't Cain when he told me he loves me, he surely wasn't gentleman Ren either. I have known for some time now that there is someone underneath and last night he finally dropped all the acts and trusted me as I trusted him. Maybe I should be freaking out right now, but I am not. He is still blissfully asleep beside me, his serene face seems almost boyish, his fine features are almost like those of a fairy. His eyes are the warmest I ever saw …

He is awake!? He smiles gently and I smile back but then his face turns into a grimace and he closes his eyes again.

* * *

 **I hate this! Why does my subconsciousness torture me so with her!?**

 **I hate this blissful feeling of waking to her, because in a moment I will wake for real and she'll be gone. I am getting sick of fighting it, I so desperately want her to know how much I love her but she'll never let me! But I miss her touch so much, how she'd lie her hand on my cheek and stroke my hair back. But she'd never, she is finding her own way, and the more I hide the more other men will notice her and I'll lose her forever. And if I lose her … if I lose her I'll never wake up, I'll never be strong enough to get out of the chains of 'Ren'.**

 **Only she can save me now, for I don't want to live without her. Not for much longer anyway. I don't want another breath without her approval. Because she takes all my pain away.**

" **Corn..."**

 **Her sweet voice, softly calling my nickname …  
A dream never felt so real, never sounded so real. But those dreams never comfort me, they just twist the knife, emphasize what I can never have. I'd hate to live without her. And she'll surely run if she knew how I feel about her. If I were to do something like what I dreamt …**

 **It is not like I doubt her, if she were to accept me like I dreamt, she'd probably stay. But my demons lay in waiting, ready to tear her apart with all my secrets. And if they do she'll be gone forever and no matter how I adore her, thirst for her and need her. I don't want to take another breath without her beside me, in fact I am not sure if I could…**

 **I open my eyes again, I'll need to get out of bed to work. It is no use to dwell in this beautiful dream, which provides no comfort for my aching dark heart.**

 **I squeeze my eyes shut again. It cannot be. I pinch myself, but I am awake, that much is for sure. But then how come she is next to me!? A beautiful angel, lying so close her breath, pure life, ghosts over my skin. I am waking up for real, next to her. My eyes snap open and drink in her appearance.**

 **Her brownish hair is pushed out of her face, except for one strand which curves over her eyebrow. My eyes trail down her neck to her collarbone and slender arm on top of the blanket, like she wanted to touch my face. Maybe she did, now I think of it … So I really did wake up before, but does that mean that last night wasn't a dream either!? No, it cannot be!**

 **Snippets of my 'dream' come back to me. She danced so enticingly, we went to the hotel…  
We kissed and …**

 **But not only that, we also talked. I couldn't bear the thought of loving her so thoroughly without her knowing me completely. I told her a story of how a cursed fairy prince met a cute princess. How he left her in the hands of villains, and regretted that decision the rest of his life. I told her how he tried to live up to all the expectations, how prideful he became because of his standing. How the prince fell prey to darkness and bitterness …**

 **She had accepted it all. She had noticed and accepted my darkness a long time ago. She knew, of course she knew, right from the first time she saved me…**

" **Ren?"**

* * *

 **I open my eyes again, her hand hovers over my cheek again, seemingly unsure whether to touch me. I take her small hand and kiss her knuckles.**

" **This cannot be real, I don't deserve you."  
"Ren, we've been over this. This is real and of course you deserve me, you deserve happiness after all what's happened to you. If someone in this doesn't deserve love, it's me, yet here you are. Even though I lied to you all this time..."**

 **Her mentioning her lie hurts. She hadn't wanted me to know she was doing a great job. She hadn't trusted me to accept it … But then again, I lied longer to her.**

" **No, don't say you lied more to me. I knew you had a stage name. Besides you kept your identity from everyone. I kept Bo just from you"**

 **She is rather flustered with regret, her eyes are shimmering with unshed tears and she tries to gesture with the hand which I am still holding.  
She is so adorable.**

 **I drop her hand and use my now free hand to stroke a lock of hair back. I keep my hand in her hair as I slowly bring my face closer to hers.**

" **Ren, are you even list-!?"**

 **I don't let her finish her sentence, instead I place a gentle kiss upon her lips.**

 **She relaxes and kisses me back, and I forget everything else. I don't care I should prepare for work. I don't care that Boss is probably waiting downstairs already.**

 **-*Rumble*-**

 **I pull back and smile gently.  
"Trust your stomach to remind us of the time. We really should get out."**

 **She blushes a beautiful shade of pink and looks away. I out of bed and stretch.**

" **Do you mind if I use the bathroom first?"**

" **No, go a-."**

 **She looks up as she answers me, but as she sees me she blushes a brilliant shade of red and shuts her eyes quickly.**

" **Ren!" she manages to choke out accusingly as she turns away.**

" **What is it sweetheart?"  
I decide to tease her a little bit, though I probably shouldn't. I should be grateful she didn't scream 'pervert' …**

" **You know what ..."  
I chuckle lightly but don't tease her any further, instead I move into the bathroom to get dressed for this wonderful day.**

* * *

I cannot believe he just stood there like that! He is such a playboy! He just stood there teasing me while flaunting his perfectness …

He is so far out of my league, though he insists I am too good for him. I know he means it but still I cannot believe him. Not when everyone ever only left me. But then again, nobody ever said they loved me … But when he leaves me he will not be mean, that's for sure, he is too kind. He will be so gently about that I'll break, but at least I will have had a chance to be loveable …

I start to look around the room, I cannot stay like this.  
I spot his jersey from last night and put it on along with my short pajama pants. Just like when he taught me Natsu's walk. Just like back then his scent surrounds and calms me. I lean back on the bed and smile gently, maybe I'll have a chance to be happy for a while.

* * *

 **I walk back into the room where I am met with the most beautiful sight in the world. The love of my life is relaxing on the bed, wearing my shirt while bathing in the early morning light. Her eyes, now locked to mine are even brighter than the sun.**

" **Like what you see, pretty boy?" She isn't entirely herself probably because 'Kyoko' is still getting used to it all whereas Natsu has plenty experience …**

 **What would I be without that smart mouth of hers?**

 **\- Probably lost in self-hate because you made a move to early.  
** **\- Oh, shut up Cain, I know that. She draws me in and then kicks me out. She talks to me, listens to me but cuts me short before I can compliment her … She makes my head spin by just being herself, I cannot pin her down, I cannot understand her half as well as I'd like.**

" **Breakfast is served fairy mine."  
What, when did she prepare that!? And fairy mine!? Though I kinda like the sound of that … **

**Her faith in fairies magic and mystery is so adorable. Others might find it childish, an imperfection in her perfect professionalism but to me it makes her more HER, so it makes her more perfect than I can describe.**

 **I sit down across her and start to eat her delicious food which somehow tastes even better than usual today.**

" **What are you smiling so brightly about?"**

" **You, my love"**

 **She blushes brightly and mutters something under her breath. She's probably calling me a playboy. I cannot help but smile even brighter.**

" **I'm only a playboy around the girl I love."**

" **Whah, don't tease me so Ren."**

" **You don't believe me, love?" I become a little worried, has she already forgotten I truly love her? I reach across the table and hold her hand. She tenses at first but then relaxes.**

 **We somehow manage to finish our meals while holding hands. I tell her to get ready for the day while I do the dishes. Surprisingly she doesn't protest but just pulls her hand from mine and gathers her stuff.**

* * *

 **She steps out of my car and I miss her immediately but we both have jobs to do so I cannot stay by her side, no matter how much I want to. But at least she offered to make me dinner tonight so until then I have to believe I am not still dreaming and I am not dead and in heaven…**

* * *

" **So how was last night, I suppose the Heels went with a bang?"**

" **Yeah they kinda did." I answer my teasing manager absentmindedly, not really thinking about how much more ammunition that answer could give him.**

" **Kinda!? Ren what happened? You have a stupid grin on your face and not even your unprofessional co-star from just now could annoy you the littlest bit."**

" **He never annoys me."**

" **He does, you just don't let it show that much though I always notice. But don't avoid the question. Why the stupid grin? Did Setsu say she loves you?"  
He timed his question perfectly. We are on a rather complicated crossroads and only a small part of my mind is focused on the conversation, so my answer is more honest and direct than I ever intended it to be.**

" **Not Setsu." The moment the words leave my mouth I know I signed my own death warrant. I clear the crossroads and mentally prepare myself for the coming onslaught.**

"… … … **WHAAAAATTTT!? NOT SETSU SO … NO, SHE'D NEVER BUT BUT BUT WHAT SHE CONFESSED!? NO she could not, simply not but he said 'not Setsu' so that has to mean Kyoko did but when did Kyoko get enough confidence? So maybe not Kyoko, maybe Natsu couldn't stand it anymore and told him. No, than he wouldn't be this happy, he wouldn't believe Natsu meant it. So than maybe Kyoko said something, not like a confession but more like a hint. Enough to give him a sliver of hope but in fact not really much. Probably something like: 'I don't hate you that much', yes yes that has to be it."**

 **Yashiro keeps babbling in himself as I pull into the parking lot and exit the car.**

 **He follows me into the building. Luckily he isn't babbling anymore but it is obviously he is still deep in thought, trying to process all the implications of my answers combined with what he thinks he knows about Kyoko.**

 **I get changed into costume and I move towards the door to get on set as he finally seems to remember he can interrogate me.**

" **So she didn't protest when you kissed her?"  
I guess he came to the conclusion that me kissing her is the only thing which could have resulted in me being this happy. It is kinda sad he thinks me that shallow actually…**

" **Indeed, Yashiro, in fact, it was rather the opposite."**

 **I close the door behind me but through it I hear another of his fan-girl squeals and another waterfall of mumbling.**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: So, I am not dead (yet, after letting people read this I might be).**

 **It is finals week so I felt like avoiding though subjects ... So here is a new chapter, I hope you like it, and won't hate me too much for all this drama.**

 **The songs I used last time were 'If I lose Myself' by OneRepublic and 'Comatose' by Skillet**

 **Please feel free to guess the songs I used in this chapter again. I think the first one should be doable, since it was pretty popular.**

* * *

…

"Sho? Asami-san is on the phone,about your next PV. She is asking whether she should send the offer for the female part to Kyoko." Shoko raises her eyebrows at the sight of my feet on the table, she has been nagging about my manners for a while now, but she also knows it's part of my image

"No need to tell her, I'll go and tell her myself." I ignore my manager's surprised look and walk out the door to find my one-time friend.

It has been a while since I last saw Kyoko, it should be fun to remind her of her purpose again, maybe she'll react when I mention her mother again. Surely she would want that woman to see what talent she denied?

* * *

~...~

* * *

" _So you love him? And you think he may love you? Ha, whahahah! Don't make me laugh! You are a plain and boring girl nobody will ever be able to love you! What's more he is Tsuruga Ren, my rival and like me my rival is in a different world from you, a commoner! We have lots of girls throwing themselves at us! Well there are probably more girls who want me, but still he would also have a fair share to pick from!"_

I jolt awake, my phone is ringing. Sleep-blind I try to find my phone on the ground beside me, only to realize there is no ground. I have been sleeping in a bed. Then it hits me, the president send me to sleep in his office, he had noticed my lack of sleep and insisted on me using the bed in the side room of his office.

I finally find my phone on the bedside table.

"Hello? Mogami Kyoko speaking."

"Of course you would be, who else would answer your phone. You are really …"

"If you only called to call me names I'll be hanging up, good day to you Shotarou."

"No! I'd just call you again, I have something to tell you. You have only been getting bully roles so I thought I'd help your career a bit further. You appear to be too plain for this industry and honestly, I pity you. That's why I have decided to allow you to appear in my next music video."

She'll bite, I know she is proud of her role as Mio, she wouldn't let the beagle sully it!

"Thanks for the offer Fuwa-san but, no thanks. I am happy and quite busy with my current roles so I polite decline, -"

"Ha, so you know you probably couldn't do anything but play a plain bully, you *clack* are a one-trick monkey. No wonder your mother denied having you! Hey! YOU LISTENING!?"

She hung up on me! She hung up while I was still talking! And she didn't even get angry or upset! What is wrong with her? Maybe she was bullied by her co-stars …

I'll have to visit her…

* * *

"Good work everyone!"

"Yeah, especially you Bo-chan!"

"Thank you Hikaru-san, but if you'll excuse me I have to go now."

I bow and hurry to the dressing room as fast as Bo can. I promised I'd make Tsu-Ren dinner tonight again, but filming ran so late! I cannot disappoint him by being late!

He has been so sweet and nice to me, I cannot let him down. I have to be a good girlfriend for him!

As soon as I finish changing I jump onto my bike to get some groceries.

I make it to the supermarket in a record time.

Just after I paid, my phone rings. It is Ren's ringtone!

I juggle the heavy groceries to answer him as fast as I can but in the process one bag slips and spills its contents on the street. I crouch and start picking them up as I answer the phone.

"Kyoko, are you alright?" Ren sounds really worried.

"Yes, what is it Ren?"

"You are late, you said you'd be here half an hour ago, so -"

"WHAH, I am so sorry filming ran late and it was very busy at the supermarket, I will be there in a few minutes. Sorry, bye!" I frantically apologize I already have disappointed him!

I quickly load all the groceries onto my bike and sprint away, faster than I have ever ridden my bike. I go so fast everything becomes a blurrrrr…..

CRASH

* * *

…. Bleep …. …. Bleep … … Bleep …

Huh? Bleep …. … Bleep … …

It hurts…

I try to open my eyes, but the moment I manage to pry them open everything starts to spin. I quickly close them. Bleep … The annoying beeping cuts through my brain I want to lift my hands to block my ears but that hurts too so I give up.

Bleep … … Bleep … …

* * *

"… Kyoko, love" Bleep ...

I crack my eyes open again, but this time the ceiling stays in its place.

I am lying in what appears to be a hospital, the beeping is a heart monitor. Ren is sitting beside my bed, his handsome face edged with lines of worry.

"Sorry..."

"What are apologizing for love, it was an accident, besides, the doctors said you were exhausted. Why didn't you tell me you weren't sleeping!?"

Oh my, he is angry, and he isn't even trying to hide it. He must be so disappointed! I caused him and probably many other people so much trouble…

A tear forms in my eye and slowly drips down. Stinging harshly on places where my skin is grazed rough.

Ren who had been clutching my hand and looking down notices my silence and looks up, alarmed.

"Oh, no love! I am not angry at you! I am angry at myself, I am your boyfriend yet I didn't realize you were so tired, and when you weren't at my place when I arrived I was so worried!"

His outburst only makes me so much worse, he is trying to love little unlovable me, but I cause him so much trouble. Tears stream down my face stinging in my wounds.

What kind of actress allows herself to get so deformed! I close my eyes and after some time tears stop coming.

"Sorry you had to see that Tsuruga-san..." I say slowly.

I am tired. I don't want to trouble him further so before he can reply I manage to lift my finger to his lips.

"Please don't, you can leave, I am sure you have better things to do than sit here by me. Besides I am so tired, I'll just go to sleep."

He doesn't reply but he doesn't leave either. I turn my head a bit to get more comfortable let my mind wander.

* * *

 **My love, don't you understand? When I am with you it's like my head is in a magical underwater world, in which I can breathe just fine. You see the crazy, wonderful wonders of this world, and I am so out of my mind to indulge in them with you.**

 **I love you with all my heart. You try so hard to be a 'perfect girlfriend' so I'll love you. Yet you don't see I already do. I love all of you, your queer imagination, your cooking. You were my beginning. I didn't want to disappoint the princess and likewise you'll be my end.**

 **I look at my love, lying broken in the completely white hospital bed. She is lying there so black and blue because of me!**

 **I shouldn't have hurried her, I should have offered her a ride before she hung up. I should have seen this coming. I know her, I know she'd try to play a perfect role exhaust herself, yet I was so full of my own happiness that I failed to think of hers.**

 **I hate my own selfishness, she was crying because I made her feel so guilty!**

' **But even though she was broken, crying, she was beautiful…'**

 **Yeah, Corn she is but that doesn't mean we should let her cry, we shouldn't let the world beat her down. We shouldn't let her beat herself down! We should be there for her! We should have caught her before she fell.**

" **She'll be our downfall," cause she's our muse.**

" **Most definitely, she is my worst distraction ..." I cannot stop thinking about her. She is so beautiful, cute, perfect but she doesn't know it. But the men around her do. She is so oblivious and yet she notices so much. She is been through so much, like me, yet she showed her cards, all hearts. She trusted me with them and I already tore them. I should mend them. I'll give my all to her. I'll be there for her when she wakes up again! But for now I should call the president, tell him she woke up and seems fine …**

* * *

I guess this is it. I made him worry so much, he probably missed a lot of work because of me. It cannot be helped I guess. I was believing in something so distant that it could never have been for me. Love is too far for me. Or I am too far from love, from being a normal human being. I have been denying this hopelessness. I promised you I'd try to believe you love me Ren, but how could you when I just cause you trouble. I promised I'd be a perfect girlfriend but look where that got me. You believed you could love me, but I am broken, now even literally.

Sorry Ren …

A tear rolls down my cheek and I welcome the sting, I deserve it for deceiving this perfect man into believing I could be perfect too.

'She'll be my downfall' Tsuruga-senpai's voice floats through my mind. He is right. I will drag him down, to my level if this continues. I barely managed to be his girlfriend for a month. And I already failed him, my work and everyone… It was like paradise this month but somewhere I got lost, couldn't survive there. I guess only the worthy can, my past still haunts me down at night, the more I wanted to belong there in paradise with Ren the more it haunted me. I don't belong at his side. I am not worth him, I am too broken, beyond fixing.

'Most definitely, she's my worst distraction.'

Tsuruga-san voice drifting in my head tears me down from my obnoxious pedestal which read 'girlfriend'. I distract him, his career and he himself will suffer. I should just disappear from his life.  
One day, we won't feel this pain anymore. That day will come for him sooner than for me, but that's okay. I'll be the only one left with this cruel wanting for this dream which never can be.

From the moment I fell for him I started falling to my doom, and now my last straw broke. I am at my doom, shattered, but I cannot let him see. I cannot make him feel anymore guilty. I'll keep acting like I am whole, for his sake. But I cannot continue to be his. That is the one role I cannot play ...


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: So here I am again, I hope you are all enjoying your summer break. This chapter is not that sunny though, sorry.**

 **The songs I used last time are: 'All of me' by John Legend and 'Lost in Paradise' by Evanescence. Feel free to guess what songs I used this time, though I don't think I made them obvious.**

* * *

 **She is awake now, but she isn't alive. It has been nearly two weeks since she fell from her bike in front of a car. The doctors say nothing is wrong with her not physically and not mentally but her hazel-golden eyes don't shine. She has been avoiding my touch and she has barely spoken to me. She has been talking a lot to the president though, but he doesn't want to tell me about what they have been speaking…**

 **She send me home just now. Saying I need my sleep. Every time I visited her she sent me away as quickly as she could, saying I shouldn't let my work suffer too much, I should sleep and eat well. I don't want too, I want too spent as much time as I can with her but she gets so upset whenever I stall.**

 **I pour some scotch in my glass again. Oops it is a bit much, I cannot see it clearly in this dim light. It doesn't matter, I'll probably finish this bottle anyway. She doesn't want to be with me…**

 **Today she dropped the bomb, well I kind of forced her to…**

 **I shouldn't have gotten so angry when she avoided me again, but I was worried sick. She hardly looks at me, when she does she does not look at me as she did before the accident.  
She wants too leave, leave me, Japan, her mother, Sho and her career. But I feel like I am her main reason.**

 **I cannot phantom what my life would look like without her… Those few days together were so wonderful, we soared so high.  
But I guess I only knew just how high when we dove down. When she fell. I down half the glass. I can only let her go. I love her so much I know I cannot keep her here in misery, even though that's all I want. **

**I take another sip, only to find out it was the last. I stare at the bottom of the glass, somehow irrationally hoping an answer will stare back at me. But the only thing that it tells me is that I was living in a dream. A dream which would never last, it came so slow but it was gone way too fast. Just like every time I thought I could be happy. But every bit of happiness I touch just dies. Last time nearly literally!**

 **That's why I'll have to let her get as far away from me as possible. She needs to be happy, but she cannot be with me, I'd just ruin it!**

 **I try to pour myself another glass, to soften the darkness, but it the flow ends when the glass is still more than half empty. I down it in one gulp before I drag myself to my bed. I change listlessly and flop down unceremoniously. The bed has never felt this big. Though Kyoko slept beside me just three times, and nothing even happened after the Heels, but the knowledge that her staying might become regularity one day…  
Even before that, I am rather large so the beds never felt too big. **

**I know now how nice it is to share it with the love of my life… Without her, with no hope of her ever lying beside me again.**

 **I stare at the high ceiling, nearly invisible in the dark, I feel a coldness steal into my heart. I know it well. It is the same as when Rick died, but now it goes even deeper, it is sharper. It doesn't butcher me, it just cuts away the part where all my love was kept.**

 **I close my eyes and her gold-hazel eyes bore into mine. Her appearance is burned into my retina.  
I stretch my hand but she is not there, of course not. I cannot ever touch her again, I'll never be able to hold her in my arms again.  
Maybe I just loved her too much, she wasn't ready to dive so deep…**

* * *

I am so tired, not just because of the meds, but just being here. Everything, everyone just reminds me of the past, of all my childish fears to be not good enough…

Ren still visits me, but he should just go. He should just move on, or all those happy memories will never leave me alone…

"Kyoko-san? You have a visitor, it is outside the visit hours, but, well I guess he cannot be bothered with those." Sakura-san, my nurse announces.

I nod to let her know it is okay to let him in. I turn my gaze to the window. I don't want to see anymore worry in Ren's face.  
"You should be at home, sleeping, Tsuruga-san." I say as I hear him come in, though the sound of his feet is strange. The rhythm in which he walks is unfamiliar and the sound of his footsteps in not that of his usual dress shoes.

"I suppose he is, he is rather old after all." The voice is too familiar but the tone is not as prideful as it used to be.  
I quickly turn to face my visitor. He is still blond, dressed in over the top, fashionable tattered clothes, but his face is way more gentle than when he last looked at me.

"Sho" My voice is soft. I don't hate him anymore, I am too tired for that.

His pressence is like a dull knife, cutting in my childish heart. I recall our childhood. When he cried I wiped away his tears, I made him smile again. 'A prince should smile.' I wince. He steps closer to my bed and sits down in the chair Ren usually occupies. He looks at me like he used to look at me when we were kids. When I'd fight away all of his fears so he would love me.

"You said you wouldn't be so foolish anymore, you said you wouldn't get yourself hurt again." It is an accusation, one I knew would come. He doesn't seem to mean it as an attack but it still feels like one.

"Look at you now, I left you alone because you promised. I trusted you'd be okay by yourself. I warned you about him."

He seems to be blaming himself, like he wanted to protect me. I force a smile as his words bring tears to my eyes. Tears I will not let him see.

"Yeah, thanks for that, that was a real help. I am sure you would have been able to prevent this. You probably could have 'protected' me if you 'had not left me alone'. Well I thank you for leaving me alone to LEAD MY OWN LIFE."

He has my childhood, but he has no business in my adult life.

".. Get out, I don't want to hear or see anything of you anymore. You cannot help me you never could."

I turn away from him, but I know he is still sitting there looking shocked. He knows he could never help me, that is why he came after all. After a few moments I hear him get up, he stands beside me for a few moments then he turns sharply and stalks out the door. Before it falls close a tear makes its way over my cheek, swiftly followed by many more.

Sho tore open the wound which had just barely started healing.  
He is right somewhere, I should have know I was never good enough for Ren. I was captivated by his resonating light. But now I am bound by all he left behind, my one constant pillar, the corn-stone is the brightest reminder of his act. His face haunts my every dream, his warm, caring voice is chasing away all sanity in my head.

* * *

"I have arranged for someone to pick you up at the airport and bring you to my friend's home. But Mogami-kun, are you sure you want this? It is not too late to call it all of, no one here wants you gone." President Takarada looks worried, his age clear in his face.

"Sorry to disagree but someone does, sir, I want myself gone ..."

The president sighs as he extends his hand to help me into the surprisingly normal car. He insisted he'd bring me to the airport. He shouldn't have freed his day for a nobody like me, but I can not go against him. He is the president after all, he is even wearing an ancient suit which won't attract that much attention.

There is not much talking on the way to the airport. When we arrive he helps me out the car and hands me the ticket and some American dollars.

"I will pay you back sir."

"No, you won't this is your bonus for this year, since you won' t be around at Christmas." He denies me sternly, leaving no room for buts. I thank him and bid him farewell before I walk to the check-in.

"Good luck, may you find yourself, Love Me member number one." I barely catch his words, which he mutters as I am a few paces away. I don't turn around. I _have_ to move forward.


End file.
